Have you ever wondered if people with self-confidence are born that way, or whether you can learn it? I’m here to tell you that you can learn it, yes YOU can!
I am passionate about helping anyone and everyone with their self-confidence, it’s what gets me up in the morning. Whether I am working with children as young as 5, or adults as old as 85 I know that by believing in them I can help them believe in themselves, and I can help you too right now.
I’ve put together some of the key questions you need to answer to improve your self-confidence, and I’ll throw in my favourite confidence-boosting quotes along the way – who doesn’t love a great quotation?!
“Confidence comes naturally with success but,
success comes only to those who are confident” Unknown
So, here’s question 1:
What do you think you are afraid of?
Have you heard of the expression “there is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so”? Well it’s true! Whatever we fear might be someone else’s dream come true so we can decide how think about something, and then decide how we respond to it.
Taking responsibility for our fears is the first step towards conquering them, when your adrenaline starts pumping in response to a challenge do you want to channel it into excitement or crippling nerves?
“The best way to gain self-confidence is to do
what you are afraid to do” Unknown
Question Two – What isn’t helping?
If you’re anything like most of us, you’ve noticed yourself reaching for a ‘comfort strategy’ whenever you feel down or stressed, am I right?! It might be comfort food, a glass of wine or three, bingeing on social media or Netflix, not wanting to get up in the morning….
These habits make sense because we are trying to escape from our feelings BUT UNFORTUNATELY they really don’t help how we feel about ourselves in the long run.
Confident people learn to notice negative coping strategies and replace them with more helpful ones, I’ll come back to this in more detail later.
Next question – Do you have a fixed or a growth mind-set?
If we have a fixed mind-set then we don’t really believe we can change, we say things like “I’ll never be as good as him / her; I’ll never learn to do this; This is too hard”.
Confident people learn to foster a GROWTH mind-set, they view themselves as always learning and they change their thoughts to ones like; “What can I learn today so that I improve?, Success is learning how to fail and not give up; I feel afraid but I’ll give it a go anyway”
“I have failed over and over and over again in my life,
and that is why I succeed” Michael Jordan
Question 4: How is your self-esteem ‘engine’?
Your self-esteem is the engine that generates your emotions. How do you feel about yourself at the moment out of 10?
When we don’t feel very good about ourselves our emotions tend to be negative… frustration, anger, resentment, despair.
If we decide to feel okay about ourselves no matter what challenges we face then we can meet those challenges with more positive emotions – hope, kindness, passion, optimism and confidence!
My all-time favourite quotation is this one, and it is so true:
“No-one (and nothing) can make you feel inferior,
without your consent” Eleanor Roosevelt
Question 5: What are you grateful for?
It is really hard not to feel confident and good about yourself when you are focused on feeling thankful. Make a list of all the things you are thankful for, there will be hundreds when you think about it.
Question 6: How do you speak to yourself?
We all have a ‘best friend’ and ‘worst enemy’ inner voice – which do you listen to?
‘Worst enemy’: “You can’t do this, you’re too stupid, too old, too young, too fat, too lazy, why are you even bothering, there’s no way you can make a success of this.
‘Best friend’: “You’re okay, you are just as good as anyone else, go and show them what you can do, be yourself, be passionate, feel the fear but do it anyway, you’ve got this, you can do it, just be yourself and show what you can do.”
Trust me when I tell you that people with healthy self-confidence have simply learned to turn up the volume of their inner best-friend. They still have the ‘worst enemy’ voice within them, of course they do, but they practise NOT LISTENING TO IT!
“There is no competition, because nobody can be me” Anon
Question 7: How do you speak to others?
Do you support and encourage other people? Do you praise them and believe in them?
When we start speaking to others in a way that will help their self-confidence we instantly help ourselves at the same time; especially if those people then start to encourage and support us in return!
Final question: What makes you feel at your best?
Self-confident people have a whole tool-box of strategies that help their self-esteem, here are some ideas you can try…
Eat foods rich in tryptophan (a naturally occurring happiness chemical) such as bananas, milk, dark chocolate, nuts; exercise regularly especially in the fresh air; go to sleep before midnight (every hours sleep before midnight is twice as beneficial as each hour after midnight); listen to your favourite music; keep up your favourite hobbies; take time for yourself; meditate; spend time with your favourite people; hug your pets, or humans; focus on finding the strategies that help you to feel at your best – then use them!
I hope you have found this post useful, if you have any questions please don’t hesitate to contact me but in the meantime, go out and show the world who you are and what you can do!
I don’t wish you luck, you don’t need it, you just need to believe in yourself.
Love Cat xx
“Self-confidence is the best outfit. Rock it and own it.” Unknown
For a video version of these tips you can watch my 16 minute TEDx talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zULlOjSs0I
Contact me for a free chat if you would like more support via the phone, Skype or face to face.
Book link: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Stay-Calm-And-Content-Matter/dp/147723487X
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