Marion posted her amazing poem “Bitter sweet happiness found through loss” on my blog back in November 2013, if you haven’t read it then do. Here she continues her inspirational and incredible story. Marion has translated this post beautifully from Dutch, her first language. You will find it incredible. Thank you once again Marion for sharing your story. Cat xx
Previous I have written a blog about my childhood and how I came to terms with myself and my mother. Meanwhile my mother died at the end of 2013. We were in completely harmony and I was able to help her to let go of this world. She looked at me, did three breaths and closed her eyes.
I got sick. Very sick. I had the one pneumonia after another and on Christmas Eve I was lying sick in a bed in the living room. On the phone with the doctor who deliberated with the surgeon again, because I also had a gallbladder inflammation in addition to the pneumonia. They decided not to operate.
I had just gotten two terrible diagnoses, two incurable, destructive diseases.
igg4, autoimmune disease; I would just get more and more inflammation, until my body could not take it anymore. And Bronchiectasiën. A lung disease in which the alveoli stretch out and mucus accumulates what no longer can. I would walk around with a long 25 outbreaks and that would be worse at every pneumonia. These two illnesses together exacerbate each other: the jackpot! Bye bye future!
First I was in shock and lay in bed sick and believed the doctors. I went hard backwards and got pain in my organs, was struggling to keep my pee on.
To the all of a sudden was like someone beating my blinders and said: will you choose life, or you choose Death? I really thought if I stayed there in the victim role, I wouldn’t live another year.
I have had an equally good thought … I have a difficult life, always had it..Do I want to stay here?
The answer came quickly: Yes! I still have so much to do and I love life! The fizzing through me! I have cleaned up my bed, have finished the antibiotic and then decide that I no longer take it in unless my life was in danger!
I had 10 years on average 4 to 5 treatments per year and only 1 could my body accept. Of the lung doctor I had to swallow antibiotics remain the rest of my life. I refused.
The blunt way in which he had given me the diagnoses, I was in shock when I left his office, I decided to complain and I got recognition, and now I have another lung specialist.
I asked pulmonary rehabilitation , twice a week, I built the laps walking the dog on, did occasionally grocery’s on the bicycle, fumbled my boundaries. Sometimes I went over it, but I learned to understand my body getting better. I have had in 2014 no pneumonia! My condition is improved, I only use my asthma medications. My new lung specialist was stumped, because IT CAN’T BE! According to forecasts.
I’m currently working on a second opinion. In February I’ll have the same tests again in another hospital. According to the book I can not go forward, but that’s exactly what I do! Go ahead! If there comes that the diagnoses are wrong, I will act on it!
Beginning 2014 was my house renovated and I had to because of my lungs out of the House. I went a month to a bungalow park. When I got there 5 days, I had to take my faithful friend Nicky, put my dog to sleep. My other dog, Zaartje came in mourning (like me … first my mother and then Nicky) and she did not want to eat anymore. I have had problems with her for 4 months before she was a little better..
My father was during my illness not in focus, just as my sister. I’m provided by girlfriends, they are worth gold! 2014 represents me in the sign of a great deal of stress, a lot of grief, but also progress. I have never quit of to love life. Every day!
Another miracle happened. Not only was my mother never a mother, my father was also never a father. He did his own thing and was pretty selfish.
He got 2 strokes. All of a sudden was the smooth patter disappeared, he had suffered from fears and he was a piece of lost independence.
I have provided well for him and he is back home and can do almost everything again. But I have him face the fact that he was never there for me and never has been.
There are all good conversations occur. He had the scales from the eyes, saw where he was default,acknowledged that! Because of that I could forgive him and fell the last bit of my shoulders. Now everything is done talking, and should something happen to him, then we are in peace! I am grateful for that.
Meanwhile my health is on a better level. I only got half a year ago huge pain in my intestines. My boobs started to hurt, I got very binges, even at night, I gained 16 kg, I had mood swings and stomach acid. Unexplained emotionality. I applied no pants more and my stomach was weird sphere. I had a huge bloating and joked to a friend: I seem to be pregnant! But since I have no friend it couldn’t be that. I was very tired and with pulmonary rehabilitation went the rowing machine no longer about my big belly. I could barely my laces bows!
Now I swallow my Marvelon pills on medical advice by, and let the menstruation come 3 x a year. This I just had, when I suddenly lost a lot of blood last Friday. That stopped reasonable, until I woke up in the night from Saturday to Sunday at 4 am and lay in my own blood. What a massacre! I have had a miscarriage previously 1 x. But that could yet not be the case! I was in shock!
I’ve been to the doctor on Monday. By swallowing the pill, the hormones gave a signal to my body: pregnant! So my whole body is in pregnant state forest-hit! In my uterus is a kind of bladder created where normally the baby is in. This is just going to grow a month or 5 a 6! I’m almost 6 months pregnant with a bubble!
And because there is no child in it, thrust the body everything off and get yourself a miscarriage.
I didn’t know it existed! But it is so. Next week I have an echo in Gyno to see if everything is gone now. I’ll have to take it easy…
Furthermore, I have decided to work 20 hours a week to start in February and still in addition to revive my own business: GroeiKern Mental Coaching (Growth Core Mental Coaching). I would like to write a book, publishing my poems and live!
My life is not boring, is full of heavy, unexpected things. I learn, I grow, I cry, and I enjoy! In Short: I LIVE!
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