I was pleased to be interviewed yesterday on Bernie Keith’s BBC Radio Northampton show alongside Relate counsellor Denise Knowles speaking about relationships and in particular how we show affection and love.
If you haven’t heard of ‘Love Languages’ there here is a quick summary from ‘The Five Love Languages’ by Gary Chapman.
The Five Love Languages
1. Quality Time (e.g. a day out somewhere)
2. Words of Affirmation (e.g. I love you)
3. Gifts (e.g. the traditional bunch of flowers!)
4. Acts of Service (e.e making a cup of tea is my husband’s love language!)
5. Physical Touch (e.g. hugs, kisses and all that….)
Q: How do you show your affection and love to those you care about i.e. what is your chosen love language?
We often use more than one of the languages above to show we care, but have we stopped to think about whether our message is really getting through?
If your way of showing love and affection is to do lots of acts of service, or give expensive gifts, but your partner actually feels more loved when you give them a hug, or say that you love them, then is your message of love really getting through?
In my day to day work with couples I unfortunately see endless examples of mis-communication. I usually experience more love between couples in the room than anything else, but so often that love is not ‘felt’ or ‘heard’ or ‘seen’ between the couples themselves, simply due to them speaking different love languages.
We need to check:
– What ‘language’ makes us feel most loved? Do our loved ones know this about us?
– How do we most naturally show love? Is this the love language our partner / children / friends / family member speaks, or do they have a different language that means more to them?
Have a think about it and do let me know your stories.
One point I made at the end of the conversation was that it is ok to ask for what you need. Often I hear “I shouldn’t have to ask, why doesn’t he/she just know?” A: Because we are not mind readers and ‘just knowing’ is unrealistic. It is okay to have the confidence to ask for the love language you like most, it matters to you and if your loved one does love you then they will be over the moon to find out what your favourite love language really is so that they can do that more, and then they can tell you theirs 😉
Good luck and take care, Cat.
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